Ok…following various threats on Facebook….i return to this here thingie.

You people are DISTURBED. *bows head in prayer*

So at the moment I’m a full time student, which means that I’m currently poorer than i used to be, which in turn means that I’m a regular user of public transportation. No shiny pink vitz for me, thanks very much.

I generally don’t mind javving…seriously i don’t.  The walking is good exercise, and there are some interesting characters that i wouldn’t see otherwise from the confines of a private vehicle. I like people-watching, you see. And Kenyans…wow…as a population we really are a few cards short of a deck. The sh*t I’ve seen? DSM IV!!!

But seriously though, there are times when stuff goes down that makes me want to kick a puppy and strangle a kitten. (More DSM IV right there.)
1. The edge-hog: this is the profoundly annoying person who insists on sitting in the aisle seat, and makes you almost copulate with his/her thigh as you climb over him/her to get to the window seat. Ati “Nashuka hapo mbele..” and he ends up taking the jav all the way to the end. At the driver’s house. Pu.

2. The shoulder-ass sandwich: when you’re lucky enough to escape the edge-hog and get yourself an aisle seat near the front , you become a DNA collection petri dish for every one who makes their way to and from the back of the jav. Now there is a split second when as they pass by, your shoulder is wedged firmly between their ass cheeks. Yaay. Intimacy.

3. Chemical Ali(son): This is the Kenyan who literally brings tears to your eyes with the heady aroma of their two day old sweat. And as Murphy would have it, this person ALWAYS feels the need to rest their elbow on the seat in front, placing you squarely in the line of..er..fire. Yum.

4. Hello-is-it-me-you’re-looking-for: Every reasonably attractive Kenyan girl has experienced this…the guy who sits next to you, stares unblinkingly at you for about 5 minutes (thereby probably drying out his cornea), then proceeds to chatter non-stop about your charms and how hot you are and how he’s looking for a wife. He is, without fail, grotesque, and also, without fail, gets off a stop after you. So there’s no escape. Jesus take the wheel.

5. The Plague: this is the person who sits next to you and proceed to emit fluids from every orifice in his head. He blows his nose then spreads out his hankie like a billboard, treating you to the appetizing contents of his sinuses, he makes lovely bubbling sounds with the phlegm in his throat..and you stagger out of the mat just in time to avoid losing your lunch.

Ok…i need a car. This is depressing.